Feedback, whichever way you look at it - from both the transmitter and the receiver's point of view - is not necessarily a simple matter. Positive feedback is usually well-received, but negative feedback... that's a bit more difficult. Nothing is surprising about that: people have a hard time with criticism, even if it's constructive. Of course, there's the other extreme: when you don't want to hurt someone's feelings or criticize them because of your personal feelings, or if you do, it's so nicely wrapped up that the actual message gets lost between the lines. While we try to connect these dots here at the company consciously, we can't hurt to have a little mentoring on the subject. So we asked Gergő to guide us on this path: the How to give feedback workshop has been launched.
Walking along with the following questions, I'm now more attentive to certain situations myself.
When?
Timing is an essential criterion for good feedback: feedback can achieve the opposite of the intended result at the wrong time. For example, waiting too long to give feedback can distort our feelings and memories about the situation, which does not always work out well. The reverse is also true: in a sudden and heightened state of mind, we can get too carried away, creating unnecessary tension.
How?
We all know the feeling of miscommunication due to poorly chosen volume, tone of voice, or other metacommunication cues. We use these tools to color and nuance the message from our chosen words.
What?
Facts and specifics: the two key concepts to build your feedback. It depends on the individual and how they "package" and convey vital information. Still, it is essential to remember that I can expect the other person to hear my feedback or appreciation if I give feedback on more than just what they have done. Consider the "best intentions" behind the behavior and the likely dilemma or effort they have experienced. Yes, being factual and specific is essential here.
To whom?
With others, we may find ourselves in situations and experience situations together during a project or in our everyday lives that we would like to give or even receive feedback on. This is the point where, in a perfect world, the power issue need not be dominant. I often unwittingly slip into a situation with which I don't necessarily agree. I create the kind of hierarchical divisions that are not supposed to influence me... this is where I had this kind of personal experience of our little "workshop" that it's a good thing to recognize this; I should work on not getting stuck in it.
No doubt, we're only scratching the surface of a critical topic. Still, I've already gotten answers to many of the questions (even if not precisely formulated) that are nagging at me here, which is essential to building lasting well-functioning relationships in a community.
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