At my previous workplace most of my colleagues were women. That was quite a comfortable situation for me. We had a common aerosol deodorant in the bathroom, tried each other’s clothes on hot summer days when the management had already gone home, and swore in full compliance at those strangers who bothered us on the street. I knew, that if I was going to work at an IT company, I would have to give up a couple of these things, but in the meantime, I would also experience a lot of new stuff.
I heard about Integral Vision from a feminist woman and this made me feel more comfortable. On our first meeting with Kulcsi it turned out, that we agree on most principles. I got to know the team when we went out for a beer and they were all nice. I was confident about the new challenge. When I started, we were 5 women out of 17 people, which is not a bad proportion at an IT company.
In the first month I was mainly learning and observing. I realized quite soon how many doors there are in this building. For example when we go out for lunch together to the nearest restaurant, we have to pass ten doors. Maybe others don't even notice, but for me the little ceremony at each door was very frustrating. I was given way twenty times for one portion of potato stew. For this you have to pit-a-pat in front of the door, even when this is inconvenient, intercepts other people, or I don't even notice it, because I'm having an intense chat.
When I arrived to the company, the male colleagues used to greet each other by shaking hand in the morning, but they didn't shake hand with their female teammates. I tried to get involved in this in a funny way, but then I decided rather not to force it and I think this ritual also disappeared shortly (because of the different arriving hours).
Above examples might seem really petty, but anybody might feel the inconvenience around them. It is a strange situation both for me and also for men that we remind ourselves with thehse kind of scenes that we are not equal as colleagues, because we also represent our own gender day by day.
Besides these tiny situations I also experienced more embarrassing ones. While I was arguing beside my stand-point in an important case, the facilitator was simply cutting in. And after a customer meeting I was praised for my nice shirt instead of my ideas. I realized after some time, that on our meetings women only start to talk after men.
What to do in these situations? Women ask themselves time to time at hundreds of workplaces over the world. Even though it is known that researches show dislike of assertive women, how can I make my life easier and more equal after all? After six months, when I felt my position secure, I started the groundwork. I talked to the others about feminist subjects that were on my mind. We started to discuss topics like violence against women, power and feminism, during lunch. I took a breath and asked them not to be polite with me at the doors, who comes first goes first. Not everyone understood why, but they tried to remember and respect this request. I suggested going around in circle when we discuss topics that affect everyone, so everybody has a chance to talk and share their opinion. I gave feedback to my colleague who made the comment on my shirt, that he made me feel embarrassed.
Compared to many of my female fellows, I am very lucky: my colleagues respect me, and are open to my suggestions. They are not taking advantage of their position, and they agree with the importance of democratic working principles. Most of them understood why I felt bothered when the doorman greeted me by saying “hello darling” or “my kisses, gorgeous”.
If I stopped writing this article here, readers could think that discrimination at work is just about changing some small habits, and if women spoke up, everything would change. But this is unfortunately not true at all.
My manager does not make unambiguous offers, as many women experience. I don't run a risk if I broach that something is not ok for me. I don't have to listen to blondie jokes every day. I am not in a situation where my male colleagues are getting promoted instead of me.
When I mention women being systematically discriminated, then I am not saying that I or other women don't make (sometimes serious) mistakes. But everyone makes mistakes (all men and women). Equal treatment doesn't mean that "I am allowed to do what I want", but recognizing that not only women should fight to achieve a comfortable and productive atmosphere at our workplace, but this should be important for everyone. I hope this is becoming the way of the world, and sexism will be more and more awkward, and it will be more and more important that colleagues can achieve their maximum potential no matter of their gender. Let's make this happen together!
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