A few weeks ago, my biggest problem was that I couldn't make my PO activity on the support projects visibly and couldn't account with them: definition of tasks, planning, testing, making demo.
Then I got PO on a project being in the active development phase: tenfold volume, several different foreign interests on the customer side, tight deadlines. Now I don't care whether anyone recognizes or pays all the effort I put into this project; my only goal is to be ready with all my tasks in time.
The to-do list was buzzing in my head, which to discuss different things with, which resources should be booked, which tasks need developers, which require testing, which description needs to be amended, making ready for the demo, verifying reports, doing a release. I go to bed in the evening, but my mind is still spinning, I am tense. I should ask for help, but I don't know who and what. Everyone is doing their job, there is no additional developer capacity, but even if there were, I couldn't foul anyone's sprint just because I can't be ready with my tasks in time.
I feel that I am overwhelmed with problems.
I am complaining without a stop on the retro: I am incompetent for this, I can't handle so many things at the same time, this would need more experience. I feel the flow of sympathy. I hear a lot of good advice, let go of what is not your responsibility, delegate tasks, write down everything, prioritize.
I am thankful, but I feel it won't be better. I will maybe have less to do, but I will think that I have neglected this or that, and because of me, we are too slow. I want to talk with Gergő, but the rest of the demo day is busy - because of PO issues.
After all, we manage to have a 20 minutes session with Gergő. He also tells me that this is a challenging project, and I need to let some of those things I took up go, and the responsibilities need to be clarified. At this point, my tears start running. It doesn't help. If I am not able to complete my tasks, and I can't delegate them to anyone, then everything will crash. And so what? - asks Gergő.
Not only this project started in this quarter, what happens, if it's not going to be profitable or it gets ready a bit later than planned? I don't need to carry the weight of the whole company's, nor a single project's success on my shoulder. My responsibility is to indicate if I see any problem and to ask for and accept other's help. I understand what Gergő is trying to say, and I decide to talk with Kulcsi about this situation. I feel relieved about this idea.
The next day I still receive positive words. István offers his help; at the end of the skype meeting, Tamás ensures his support. Gabor encourages his personal experience and tells me something very-very important: IV is a place where you can fail.
I don't have to worry about being put on pillory if I don't fulfill, or of becoming retribution or being fired. I did the best I could. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I don't need to be a perfect PO on my first big project, to meet all expectations. I have time and space for improvement. Furthermore, I receive all the help I need.
Does all this mean that my problems are solved?
Hardly.
But there are benefits of the affair: I know when to say no next time.
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