I ap­plied for an­oth­er job

- I applied for another job some months ago and went to the interview.

The above sentence sounds like a nightmare for a CEO. Also, for me. But it was said, and I felt my stomach clench itself. For the last seven years, thirty people have been working at Integral Vision. Eleven colleagues left, which was not enough for me to be able to get used to bear this kind of loss. 

- Finally, I decided to stay.

It seems like all this happened a quarter ago, and I did not realize anything. I could see it was not easy for him to talk about this, but he felt it essential to share this with me. He stopped talking and observed my face. I sat there with ambivalent feelings. I opened the honey and poured it slowly in my tea. I was waiting for an outline for a recognizable sense, a thought. 

The danger is over. He stayed, and I can calm down. Even if he wanted to leave, he finally stayed. And now he confessed, although he could have kept it in secret. I can draw breath and try to react. We can discuss what's going on here and now. 

I asked what happened in the past year. What kind of changes occurred in the company and how he was affected. He could accurately point on the impulse that led to moving away. The butterfly effect came to my mind. Something happened in the past. Something started to work inside, and he yielded to the headhunters' pressure.

I have learned in the past years that if someone wants to leave, then he will. There is nothing to do. It is even better if the person resigns as soon as possible after the decision. It is hard, and it hurts, but in every breakup, there is a new opportunity for the one who leaves. For the person staying, it is hard to see this as a new possibility. It is a loss, and it is worth to mourn over every loss. 

The person left behind suffers from the divorce, in contrast to the breaking part, which seems loose and happy with the new situation. I have heard from my favorite family therapist that, in several cases, this dynamic veers around. The left person gets new energy after treating his or her loss, while the person leaving realizes later on what he or she has lost.

But let's forget the parallelism. A working relationship is not a marriage, and a company is not a family. All metaphors tending to this are false, including the above association. 

The question is whether he wanted to leave, or it was just a snarl in this constellation, which resulted in this reaction? Ok, he stays. But wasn't it a cry for help? Or the sign of demotivation? Would he like to work on new projects? Does he want to earn more money? What are those needs he doesn't get? 

While we were talking about these things, he asked several times whether there will be any consequence of telling this to me. Yes, there will be. You are important to us, and I will do what I can to keep you motivated and stay in the team.