So what’s been said?

“So what has been said?...” - he was the third one to ask this on the day of company retrospective. We had already gone through on two more accessible topics when he came up with the question. It was something vital to clarify, but there was one small fly in the ointment: the sentence in passive voice missed its subject.

There are just a few other expressions I hate more than this one. I first heard someone raise this question when working in a multinational company, and it was often in use as one last argument. It’s been said to keep track of our hours in one way. It’s been said to finish a task quickly and work it out later. It’s been told to do something in one way or another. Eventually, I also started to use it, although it sounded a bit strange. Still, it was comfortable, providing a sort of getaway. You never really know who had made the decision; no one takes responsibility. A manager said something, and it does not matter at all whether I agree with that or not, and it is marginal if it makes sense or not. I can just act upon a decision without a second thought.  This way, the content can be easily changed, distorted too. We can always use it as an argument between colleagues who also refers to this sometimes, and we can whine together in the shadow of authority.

From time to time, during retrospectives, there is someone who asks for a final word to be said. If the person with authority says the solution we agreed on, we have the sense of a reference, a point we can fall back on. But the main problem here that this attitude creates opportunities for cemented policies leads to dogmatic thinking, authoritarianism, hierarchical logic. The most awkward is the passive voice used in these sentences. The court has been swept; the rubbish has been taken out, the dust has been wiped off, the decision has been made, the world has been said. There is no appreciation for actions expressed this way.

By learning more about nonviolent communication, I was gradually moving away from passive structures without any subject. My observation has an object. The combination of “feeling” and “need” says something about you and me. Either I ask a question of you, or you ask of me. I like to work in an environment where questions are coming from concrete persons and not from unnamed abstractions. In such surroundings, I have a bigger chance of having control over my assignments and responsibilities. If I don’t agree with something, I know who to turn to, and I know who formulated the question.

I am still learning every day how to live free in an environment where decisions are not just made; things are not only said. Instead, I am focusing on how we all can take full responsibility with maximized customization. And yes, I am convinced that this method can be used in more prominent companies too.

I try to make special attention whenever the question of  “what’s been said?” comes up so that we can figure out what causes the uncertainty. This question is the symptom of anxiety and discomfort, which can be the result of a confusing process, a pledge not taken, or mistrust. The question of “what’s been said?” is not just challenging to reframe during a conversation where we have the space to explore and go behind, where we can formulate the exact question which can reduce uncertainty.